ADHD and Couples — a Reading List for Relationships

  • A supportive, informed partner is one of the best keys to successful ADHD management.
  • This list includes both articles (free reading!) and recommended books
  • Please send comments and suggestions to phil@adhd9to5.com — thank you!

Articles

  • Most of these articles are from well-known and well-regarded sites

Adult ADHD and Relationships

  • Info for both partners — one with ADHD and one without
  • An excellent, comprehensive article.

50 Ways Not to Leave Your ADHD Lover

Concrete ideas that help couples impacted by ADHD stay together.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/may-i-have-your-attention/201310/50-ways-not-leave-your-adhd-lover

The Care and Feeding of a Non-ADD Spouse

https://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/care-and-feeding-non-add-spouse
  • Melissa Orlov’s whole website is for ADHD and marriage!

Pay attention to me

Undiagnosed ADHD affects millions of adults — and their romantic relationships.

https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/03/adhd

When Someone You Love Has ADHD: Frequently Asked Questions About Helping Your Partner and Yourself

https://www.health.com/condition/adhd/when-someone-you-love-has-adhd-frequently-asked-questions-about-helping-your-partner-and-yourself
  • Gina Pera

Actions and Additudes – 7 Relationship Strategies for Non-ADHD Partners

Survival Tips for the Spouse Who DOESN’T Have ADHD

https://chadd.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/ATTN_02_12_SurvivalTips.pdf?utm_source=Living+Well&utm_campaign=0ee0beee07-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2018_12_18_04_09_COPY
  • Easy-to-read with lots of details

Don’t Give Up, Don’t Give In: Survival Skills for the Non-ADHD Partner

  • by Susan Tschudi
  • Some good details on the psychological mechanisms and techniques

The ADHD Effect on Marriage

  • Melissa Orlov
  • an excerpt from her book

My Husband Has ADHD — and It’s Hurting Our Marriage

  • “Your husband loves you, but his ADHD symptoms get in the way — causing him to ignore you, lose track of time, or wander off. Here’s how to work together on change.”

Books

  • Note: all books here have 4-star or better reviews on Amazon (except for one book not yet released)
  • Phil has read some but not most
  • Note one title especially for women with ADHD

The Distracted Couple

Larry Maucieri (Author, Editor), Jon Carlson (Author, Editor)

  • Dozens of solid articles (with references) written by well-regarded ADHD specialists.
  • I highly recommend this book for readers who want both lay and scientific understanding.

The Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD

Melissa Orlov

  • Orlov is a well-known writer on couples issues for people with ADHD (whether one partner or both partners).
  • Her advice sounds sensible to me.
  • Orlov has at least one other book for couples.

Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder (2008)

Gina Pera

  • Pera has multiple books on couples and ADHD
  • “Meticulously researched by award-winning journalist Gina Pera, Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? is a comprehensive guide to recognizing the behaviors where you least expect them (on the road and in the bedroom, for example) and developing compassion for couples wrestling with unrecognized ADHD symptoms. It also offers the latest information from top experts, plenty of real-life details, and easy-to-understand guidelines for finding the best treatment options and practical solutions. The revolutionary message is one of hope for millions of people–and a joyous opportunity for a better life.”

When an Adult You Love Has ADHD: Professional Advice for Parents, Partners, and Siblings (2016)

Russell Barkley, PhD

  • Barkley is a highly regarded researcher
  • “Adults with ADHD can be successful, achieve their goals, and live out big dreams and you can help. You can set boundaries to manage your own emotional and financial stress, too. Here you will learn practical steps for helping your loved one accept and manage their disorder, and pursue paths in life where ADHD might not pose such a big problem.”

ADHD After Dark (2019)

Ari Tuckman, PsyD

  • “the book describes the many effects of ADHD on couples’ sex lives and happiness, covering areas such as negotiating sexual differences, performance problems, low desire, porn, making time for sex, infidelity, and more. 
  • “Written in a readable and entertaining style…

Helping Your Husband with ADHD: Supportive Solutions for Adult ADD/ADHD 1st Edition (2015)

George Sachs PsyD

  • “He’s restless. He’s jumpy. He’s impatient, impulsive, and chronically late! He simply refuses to get organized and puts off everything—and I mean everything—until the last minute.”
  • “Is this the guy you married? Is this the relationship you want? What the heck happened to your husband? Was he always this way? Or is it all in your head? More importantly, is there anything you can do to fix your relationship, or do you have to suffer with his bad habits for the rest of your marriage?”

ADHD & Us: A Couple’s Guide to Loving and Living With Adult ADHD Paperback

Anita Robertson LCSW

  • to be released Nov 2020

Loving Someone With Attention Deficit Disorder: A Practical Guide to Understanding Your Partner, Improving Your Communication, and Strengthening… (2012)

Susan Tschudi

  • “Your partner’s attention deficit disorder (ADD) may not seem like a big deal at first, but eventually, the dynamics surrounding his or her impulsivity, forgetfulness, distractibility, and restlessness can really strain your relationship. You don’t want to act like a parent, yet you may feel like you can’t rely on your partner to get things done. Loving Someone with Attention Deficit Disorder is your guide to navigating a relationship with someone with ADD so you can create healthy boundaries while remaining sympathetic to your partner’s symptoms.”

A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD: Embrace Neurodiversity, Live Boldly, and Break Through Barriers (2019)

Sari Solden MS and Michelle Frank PsyD

  • “Live boldly as a woman with ADHD! This radical guide will show you how to cultivate your individual strengths, honor your neurodiversity, and learn to communicate with confidence and clarity.”
  • “If you are a woman with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), you’ve probably known—all your life—that you’re different. As girls, we learn which behaviors, thinking, learning, and working styles are preferred, which are accepted and tolerated, and which are frowned upon. These preferences are communicated in innumerable ways—from media and books to our first-grade classroom to conversations with our classmates and parents.”
  • “Over the course of a lifetime, women with ADHD learn through various channels that the way they think, work, speak, relate, and act does not match up with the preferred way of being in the world. In short, they learn that difference is bad. And, since these women know that they are different, they learn that they are bad. It’s time for a change.”